all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
