You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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