When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
