Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
