i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
