loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
