I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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