i just google imaged poop.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
