My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
