My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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