should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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