Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
