Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
