Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
