I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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