everyone is single if you try hard enough
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
