You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
