I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
