who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i now understand why vodka
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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