This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
where are my eyebrows?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
