I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
