my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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