its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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