After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
