Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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