Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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