Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
