yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
