You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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