Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
