Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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