She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
