he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
