I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
