dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
