I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
