I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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