In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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