He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
