why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
