My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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