someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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