i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
