Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
