Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
