Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
