I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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