If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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