i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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