why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
