she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize