I wish I could teleport
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
