the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
