remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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