I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
