No, drunk sperm still make babies.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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