I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
