turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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