Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
