We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We got so high we made milksteak
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
