You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we're making bets on your personal life
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
