Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize