I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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