he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
