You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
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a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
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dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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