one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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