when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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