She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
