you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
pop tarts are not kleenex
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
