Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
