U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
