She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
