I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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